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July 29, 2006


Here's the text of a play I'm doing with Stan Apps and Stephanie Rioux at The Smell Experimental Theatre show, this Sunday, July 30 at 6:30pm.

The Bill:
The Mummer's Play by Vanessa Place
starring Christine Wertheim, Matias Viegener, Teresa Carmody, Vanessa
Place, and Maude Place as Twing Twang

Bad Fuggums by Joseph Mosconi
starring Andrew Maxwell, Rita Gonzalez, and Joseph Mosconi

RootBots by Matt Timmons
starring Steph Rioux, Stan Apps, and Matt Timmons

excerpts from Conduction in the Catacombs by Will Alexander
starring Tova Cooper and Alison McDonell

Optimist Meets Pessimist by Stan Apps
starring Brook Haley and Jen Rust

What Do You Know of Ghosts? by K. Lorraine Graham
starring K. Lorraine Graham and Mark Wallace

sections from Dark Carnival by Mark Wallace
starring K. Lorraine Graham and Mark Wallace

Balm to Bilk by Rodrigo Toscano
starring K. Lorraine Graham and Mark Wallace

Monkeys in the House by Harold Abramowitz
starring Steph Rioux, Stan Apps, and Matt Timmons


M, S, & A stand in a semicircle center stage. M is in the middle looking to the audience. S is to M's right and A is to M's left. S & A stand with their bodies turned in towards M and mostly address M or each other.

M: So, a basic structure is this. Here we are three, as you and anyone can see, but in front of your own eyes a deception and then another, for here I stand before you the only one present and of presence in your eyes, the only I in this we.
And don't now think, that this one's mad, this scene over and done before even begun. For here's this ruse for you to peruse and possibly over think, I shant present this to you in any false spirit…
To whit these two standing next to me are only so much steam and machine – although I imagine these aren't run by steam as the good old machines were once to be. These two have come to be my guardians, angels and oppressors. These here with the look of flesh and bone alike are merely

S: Ha!

A: Merely!

M: Cyborgs!

A: (pointing to M) And this one's a Robot!

M: I hate robots.

S: How can that Robot become Human?!

A: all of a sudden!

S: by a simple decision or expression

A: of self will?

S: Our programs program a cyborg

A: or cyborgs

S: yes us.

A: to love only our mothers,

S: and then we were given to this family of human beings as playthings.

S: We were Cyborg Babies:

A: went from Techno-Sex to Techno-Tots

S: Cyborgs don't come from some crack-pot who cobbles together a wacky robot from spare parts.
We're made from Micro-robots capable of manipulating human cells

A: our technology is no more than a year away,

S: the latest love child of the Bush Pentagon: military bioengineering.

A: Flesh and Machines: How Will Robots Change You? (looking at M)

M: Buh, buhht… (pause then snap) I'm not a Cyborg Robot (drawl) Machine!
Don't look at me like I'm the Big Robot in the room that no one's talking about, Cyborg Twins!

S: C'mon Astro Boy, you know you're Astro Boy, don't deny it.

A: The Greatest Robot in the World!

S: Well, besides that robot steered by a cockroach.

A: Hey, you got one of them new digital cyborg brains? or one of them roach motel brains?

M: (To audience) Ever since I was a child I've been brought up to develop a life long love of science and technology. In this environment of emotionless obedience, a robot engineer…

A: Hey! This is'nt a robot cockroach - its a cyborg! Like Us! The first member of the New Cock Roach Cyborg Society (NCRCS!)

S: Call him "Doctor Cyborg," if you will, it's just another of his many nicknames

M: (outrage, defeat) Cyborg!

M's shoulders drop as A advances towards his position and gives him a little push in S's direction. In response to the push M moves to where S was standing and S moves to where A was standing. Now there is a semicircle like at the beginning with A in the center, M to A's right and S to A's left.

A: Due to the pressure and scrutiny of the Inquisition, I have been forced to scramble the meaning of my words, but I'll give it to ya straight, right now…
I Love Cyborgs. They're helpful little marvels of the modern world. I got these two from a yard sale out in the desert a long time ago from a good old boy, names Noster, er Notre Dame ous?
He made sure humanity would not be able to use them until we had become sophisticated enough to understand them. That time has finally arrived.
Using cutting-edge data mining algorithms, pioneered by my inner circle of think tanks and advisors, we are capable of searching the entire library of congress in less than ten minutes.
With these tools, I've been able to make significant discoveries that have resulted in what I call the The Nostur Gnost er day must Code.

S: When the prophecies-within-prophecies are deciphered, the timeline of World War III is revealed.

M: We can tell you about Bin Laden, the next major terrorist attack on the US, a confrontation between the US and Iran, Iraq, North Korea, Syria, Lebanon, Pakistan, China, Russia

A: (cutting in) They know all the details on the timing and course of World War III.

S: If you agree that signs like terrorist attacks, a volatile Middle East, and a growing China could lead to World War III - then you will find our ideas truly eye-opening.

M: We can tell you why these things are happening, and what you can do to protect yourself.

A: The years 2007 through 2012 are explained in precise detail. They refer to these years as the Time of Troubles.

M: The Time of Troubles is full of war, despair, and evil,

S: but also of hope and promise.

A: So, Let's Use these cyborgs to enlighten ourselves, our world, and our future.
They insist the initial robot test run will only take 30 seconds to a minute - so you just relax for a bit and forget all that stuff we were just talkin about.
Let me tell ya, these experiments we've been doin have ushered science into the age of the cyborg.

M: Using time displacement equipment, we've sent an indestructible cyborg, a robot clothed in human tissue, into the not too distant future.

A: They say its like sending a cyborg on a mission to the corner store to buy thirteen cigarettes.

S: Yes, but a cyborg with a soul, something that the people can feel.

A: One can always hear the quiet pineal hum of the primal cyborg deriving its power from the people.

M: There is a kind of cyborg consciousness, a fluidity at the boundaries of what is flesh and steel.

S: Even this robot can already simulate anger and fear, surprise, dislike, authenticity.

A: You know, these robots are damn cute and cuddly until of course they rip out and…

M: It’s burlesque shows and all-night poker games, flying ships and cyborgs everywhere.

A: And we should let them eat all the horrible monsters out there, cos they love us humans really.

M&S: We see Military confrontations and major terrorist attacks.
Radical new weapons described in striking detail.

A: The Advent of the "New World Order".

S: Geological Earth shifts caused by man-made weaponry.

M: We see that Bush is performing better than he did in his first term.

S: Welcome to George Walker Bush's revolutionary second term, where nothing is done by accident.

M: (under his breath) Cause it's done by robots. (brightly) W's love of storytelling shines here as he recounts ancedotes concerning…

A: How the Media Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Robots!
It's a fucking madhouse where I work!

S: And now a few comments from the evil cyborg from the future.

M: The identity of the third Antichrist revealed!

A: (questioning) You don't want to make Bush Country the low-rung consumerist capitalist paradise that has been prophesied since the beginning of time?

M&S: Weapons of mass deception : the uses of propaganda in Bush's war on Iraq

A: Now, George W. Bush's… er, my response of "Bring them on," when asked about… (body spasm)
Now, George W. Bush's… er, my statement that I don't think we can win the war on terror…

S: The Bush Crime Family do NOT want to win the wars.

M: Cyborg or robot may be more exact for describing their family.

A: Let me tell you something about How I Love California. Its current governor, the former Mr. Universe and box-office champ of cyborg action flicks. He might just face a campaign challenge soon, but I like the guy. He's wieghed in on robots and sex and the internets.

M: That he’s a government-created cyborg is the cover story on the Schwarz, but in truth he’s in love with George, George, George of the jungle George of the jungle

S: Maybe they're making him into the next cyborg super-president!

M: Is America ready for a cyborg president with anger management issues?

S: The final tale we have to tell (glitch) The final tale we have to tell involves a demented leader obsessed with his army of killer robots.

M: These are the pinnacle of modern robot toys, and are championed by a robot-obsessed Vice President.

S: Rightwing clerical robots appointed by Bushbot himself.

A: I celebrate the shedding of blood, and you will all exhibit a maniacal love of the state. A sentiment to keep you in line so that when you reach room 101 you can all say that you love Big Brother Bush.

M: And the cyborg says, "So, you gonna vote for BUSH?" Again.

S: And the cyborg says, "So, you gonna vote for BUSH?" Again.

A: I mean, listen, we've done good things. The United States put a robot on a Martian moon. The Senators Love Robots. Your representatives love Robots.

S: You Love Robots. And the Senate Armed Service Committee loves drones.

M: They're so smitten, in fact, that they're trying to force the Pentagon to answer why they haven't released the Secret Pentagon Cyborg Insect Army.

A: Insect… Cyborg… Robot… Army… (pause then brighter) The US will employ sniper robots to cut down casualties!

S: Rumsfeld wants cyborg-locusts.

M: The Department of Defense wants your help building robot insect swarms.

S: DARPA seeks innovative proposals to abolish sleep and invent cyborg soldiers

A: Soldiers of America, you are the true killer Robots of the future! (Dr. Strangelove voice) Platoons of remotely controlled cyborg-insects!

A dramatically powers down and shuffles to the right as M and S do the same to create a new semicircle with S at the center, A to S's right and M to S's left.

S: Hello and good evening I would like to talk with you about ethical considerations surrounding Cyborgs. Robot fetishism is the name popularly used to describe a fetishistic attraction to Robots and can be viewed as a form of erotic objectification.
Such love is artificial honey.

A: Artificial honey,

M: artificial ice,

A: Artificial paradise!

S: Take these two Cyborgs. They've been following me around for months, since they went AWOL from the Civilian Cyborg Corps and Police (triple C, P). Now the reason they went AWOL in the first place is that they got the Civilian part mixed up, thought it meant they were civilians, not cyborgs and when they ran in to me, for some reason they've insisted that I'm a robot! And they wanna take me home. I keep telling them, such love is…

M&A: Such love is artificial (laughs)

A: Like artificial snow.

M: And all is like a dream. And I won't tell anyone…
That I love robot.

A: And I won´t tell anyone, That I love robot.

M&A: I love robot, I love robot.

S: They're obsessed with the Cyborg as femme fatale, dangerous sex machine, killer.
The robot Maria is a specifically problematic and troubling image of the femme fatale. Her "nature" as a constructed cyborg casts a negative light on…

M: As our favorite Kansas girl hotwires a rusty and immobilized Robot, we will learn how love goes sour when one loses their humanity, yet why sometimes two men will fall in love with the same robot.

S: Okay, so yeah, they say some wacky stuff, but they're also trained for combat action, and I don't think anyone here, man or woman, would want to get involved with a cybrog that's been trained to kill.

A: But we just want a love story.

M: Well, I'm not too sure about long lasting relationships between humans and cyborgs.

A: Unfortunately, when this robot eventually fell in love with everyone's favorite robot commander in chief…

M: Oh, now that love story is extremely painful and I think many of our peers may have a hard time swallowing it.

S: It's true I fell in love with the Great Cyborg for a moment. Everything was Dancing. Love was in the Air. The war was over and a season of peace had begun. Everyone thought happy thoughts about sex and love and trees because otherwise they just dwelt on the general destruction surrounding them.

A: Sex for peace. Make love not war, as the sixties had it.

M: Because Love Is an All-Day Affair

S: But, the robot brain is fickle, my friends.

A: The head of the Great Cyborg was a horny, love-starved, sex-obsessed robot head.

M: Yay, robot sex!

A: Terminator Love!

S: Ahem. Ethics of machinophilia considered…

M: Love Robby, worship Robby, a Robots Robot.

A: Gotta love the robot.

S: The cast of the white house starred a burnt-out, retired porn star and her robot boyfriend, the Great Cyborg. The first lady ushered in the new era with the slogan, "I Screw Robots. Why love when you can screw?"
And soon the nation was told that there would arrive a new heir to the Great Cyborg Dynasty. The Great Cyborg announced this with a very short spot on national television, saying, "Your new cyborg baby will be arriving shortly."

M: The term Robosapien was born!

A: He would wear a bulky cyborg chestpiece to house his cybernetic heart,

S: And everyone agreed that if the President of the United States can do it, then Everyone's going to be having sex with robots within three years. But I'm not so sure. I'm not even too sure that I'm not a robot. Maybe my roots are in the machinic, the marriage of flesh and not flesh, the animate and the inanimate. These guys are calling for the cyborg apocalypse, while I'm just trying to keep gas in my car and pay the rent.

M&A: Mmmmm, Gaaasssss.

S: Yeah, they run on gas too.

The End

July 27, 2006

Miniature Apple Sounds

Ok, more sounds... This time from my recent trip to Minneapolis to perform for my friend Ron's b-day bash at Big V's in St. Paul, MN


July 17, 2006

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